Remember that time Mark Gatiss was on Being Human as a vampire but he actually wanted to look the way a 3,000 year old vampire would look?
"I wanted to have red hair, because you never have ginger vampires, and terrible teeth, and these really dirty fingernails. And they gave me everything I wanted. So there’s lots of lovely close-ups of my filthy hands and terrible teeth. He’s about 3000 years old, he’s literally rotting from the inside." [x]
This post occurs because I have form when it comes to rants about tea, and because some numbnuts in the Guardian US office has decided to store the Earl Grey in the same box as the green tea.
You might say this is just a tiny filing error, and not exactly the end of the world. You would of course be wrong, and this, Americans, would be because… … if normal tea is for real men, Earl Grey – with its subtle hint of bergamot – is for real sophisticated men. And real women, obviously. It should therefore never be seen to be on a par with any sort of herbal or overtly flavoured nonsense as might statistically be more likely to be drunk on the wrong side of the Atlantic.
Earl Grey is tea-plus, for those who have completed the requisite training. Green tea, on the other hand, is for Californians, health freaks, fad-dieters and the kind of git who goes “glamping” in a yurt and then fills up Facebook with photos of little Noah and Molly nervously milking the spavined yak that was part of the deal. Ditto mint tea, herbal tea of any stripe and – I can barely bring myself to utter the word – “chamomile”.
Advantage: UK, I suppose, as we invented Earl Grey. Well done us.